Freedom in a Cage
by DarkAngelLillith
Summary: Sam has become the Allspark. The Autobots don't want to lose their only way to create more of their species and have decided to keep him locked inside their base for 'protection'. What will Sam do when he realizes he can't ever go out of his new room?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Do not own.

**A/N: **Yet another bunny adopted from tfbunnyfarm. This one belongs to yamisamuraiflo. Any mistakes you point out to me will be fixed as soon as possible.

**Edited: **Took out the dashes.

"talking"

_'thinking'_

* * *

_**Freedom in a Cage**_

Before Sam met them he'd been nothing more than a regular kid. His life hadn't been perfect. He hadn't been popular and there hadn't been a line of girls dying to date him. He only had one real friend, Miles…

And now that he had time to think back, Sam hadn't been that much of a friend to him.

But he'd been so childish back then. Believing a car could give him the girl of his dream. Everything would've been perfect after that. At least that's how he always thought it would be. Ever since he was five years old and his father had told him the story of how he and his mother met.

His father had been an outcast, like him. His mother had been the beautiful popular girl, like Mikaela. And ever since he laid eyes on her back in first grade, he'd known she was the one. And just like his father had done with his mother, he finally talked to her when he gave her a ride home. Everything according to plan…

That his new car had turned out to be a giant alien robot hadn't been expected. Truth be told everything after that was a blur to him. Too much adrenaline and not enough time to process everything through. And before he knew it, he found himself in the role of savior of humanity.

He never wanted that role, but what else could he had done? Between Megatron and Optimus, did God even gave him a choice? Not like it mattered anymore, what was done was done. He had no one to blame for what had happened to him but himself. Because he had been the one to put the Allspark inside Megatron's chest.

A shiver coursed through him at the thought of what the Decepticon leader might have done with him. A growing part of him whispering if it would really be so different to what had been done to him already.

The teen shook his head, trying to make the thoughts go away. His brown eyes staring at the empty walls of his room.

'_Cage,'_ his mind whispered, making him frown.

'_It's not a cage,' _he thought back, trying to not dwell on the fact that he was arguing with himself.

How long has it been since he'd seen another human being? The room he was staying in had no clocks and Ratchet had taken his watch. There were no windows and no calendars either. But they had said it was a simple quarantine until they knew how could being the Allspark could affect him. And quarantines only lasted forty days, right?

There was a sound coming from the door and Sam eagerly stood up. He wasn't surprised when Bumblebee came in, carrying something very small in his hands.

"Greetings, Samuel," the yellow mech said and Sam felt his heart sink.

No one called him Samuel, unless he counted his parents when they were mad at him... Or his teachers. To hear Bumblebee calling him like that now still made him feel uneasy.

He was supposed to be his guardian. His friend. But it was either Samuel or Allspark and even though Sam didn't like using the first one, he absolutely loathed the latter.

"Bee…" Sam started, watching as the mech carefully placed the tiny tray of food on the only table that adorned his room. Not for the first time wondering how did he managed to not spill anything when it was so very tiny.

He tried to say something, ask anything, but his mouth refused to cooperate. The scout turned curious blue optics on him, waiting for the teenager to speak, "Is everything alright, Samuel? Is the food not to your liking?"

Sam forced himself to approach Bumblebee. Dragging the chair he'd been sitting on towards the table and preparing himself for another tasteless, but healthy, meal.

"The food's fine, Bee," Sam said, taking a bite and swallowing as fast as he could so he could be spared the horrible taste. Trying his best to avoid the little voice in his head that called him a liar.

Bumblebee sat down on the floor, optics trained on him. He wouldn't leave until Sam ate everything.

"How long 'till the quarantine is over?" He asked, afraid to look at his guardian.

He missed the flicker of optics that he knew meant he'd been surprised by the question. He missed the dimming of glowing blue that he knew meant he was talking to somebody or doing an Internet search. He missed the small twitch of small door wings that he knew meant the scout was uncomfortable. But he couldn't miss when the door opened and Ratchet entered the room. He couldn't miss the way Bumblebee fled as fast as he could from him.

"Ratchet," the boy said, staring at the Autobot with something akin to hunger shining from his eyes. Hunger for knowledge. To finally know what was going on. Because he didn't want his thoughts to be right.

If the rescue vehicle noticed, he made no outward sign of it.

"How long, Ratchet?" Sam finally asked when the silence became too much for him to bear.

The Hummer shifted uncomfortably and Sam's hopes shattered. He could feel the tears threatening to fall as desperation rose within him, "Please… I need to know."

"You have barely refueled yourself, Samuel," Ratchet avoided the answer, "Must I remind you how important it is for you humans to take in the required amount of daily nourishments?"

Sam didn't answer. Instead, he lazily scanned the room. Trying as much as he could to convince himself that everything would be alright. That this was just a temporary situation.

But it was hard to do so when the bed didn't look as new as when he first got it and there were more clothes in the closet than he had in his room back home. Because there was no denying that the gym Wheeljack had built for him looked too permanent for his liking. And there was no explanation as to why they had to build a bathroom for him instead of letting him use the ones already built on the base. Why he had not heard from Mikaela, his parents, those soldiers or even Simmons. Why only the Autobots came to see him only to check on his well being, but never really answering his questions.

Like a pet.

"There is no quarantine, is it?" He asked, deep down expecting the medic to not answer.

"Of course there is, Samuel," Ratchet answered with such conviction that Sam was almost tempted to believe him.

"When can I be out of here?" The teen asked, dreading yet eager to know the answer.

Ratchet frowned, in that way Sam had figured meant he was supposed to have figured the answer. But Sam didn't want to guess anymore. He wanted to know.

"You can't get out Sam," Ratchet said nonchalantly, "You are the Allspark now. You need to be protected."

Sam licked his trembling lips, gathering all of his willpower to avoid crying in front of the Cybertronian, "From the Decepticons?"

He could deal with that answer. He could understand that answer. And frankly, he could live with that answer. Because he brought this onto himself and he couldn't put his family in danger.

'_No sacrifice, no victory. No sacrifice, no victory. No sacrifice, no victory…'_

Brown eyes widened as Ratchet's finally passed through his mental mantra, "Yes and no, Samuel. Please understand that everything we do is for your own good. Earth is a dangerous place and humans are too fragile. You are our only chance for survival. You need to be protected and well cared for. Do not worry, Samuel, we will provide for you as we have been doing."

Sam didn't say anything back. What could he say when he could feel the walls suddenly close on him? He was trapped.

He wanted the medic gone, but he refused to finish the food they gave him. What little he had forced himself to swallow was doing flip flops in his stomach. He felt sick, but what would be the point of fighting? They were bigger than him and he wouldn't put it past Ratchet to force feed him or something.

Under Ratchet's watchful optics he tried to end his meal. The medic would then tell him it was required of him to use the gym and Sam would dutifully do his exercises.

'_I'm not a pet,' _he thought angrily, something dark and revolting twisting inside of him as he glared at the almost finished plate.

Ratchet was startled as Sam's blood pressure and pulse rose without a real motive. He'd been expecting some form of stress after the information received but he'd been sure everything would be minimal, once the boy realized how important he was to them.

Instead, he watched as the new Allspark threw what was left of his afternoon nourishment to the wall.

"Samuel…"

"Get out," the teen hissed, anger clouding is thoughts. How dare they try to imprison him!

Ratchet though was worried about the Allspark. His vitals were skyrocketing and he'd never heard the human use that tone of voice with any of them. Clearly it had been a mistake to tell him the truth. Human minds were more fragile than he gave them credit for. From now on he would have to supervise more closely the information the Allspark was given to avoid stressing him like this.

"Get out!" Sam screamed and Ratchet hesitated before walking out of the room.

The medic would give him twenty minutes to calm himself before doing something more drastic. He was not above using sleeping gas to sedate him if it would help him keep the Allspark stress free.

Inside his room Sam was seething. He still didn't knew how long it had been since he was put under 'quarantine' from the rest of the world for eternity. He ran to the bathroom just in time to throw up what he just ate. The feeling that the walls were closing in on him was getting stronger by the minute. He felt the air being squeezed out of his lungs and a scream of desperation dying before it was even uttered.

He swore he was going to find a way out his nice little prison even if he had to die to do so. And a second later he fell asleep on the bathroom floor.

* * *

And the bunny was:

2007. Becoming the new Allspark was like a dream... or a nightmare, for the Autobots didn't want to lose their only way to create new lives again. Caged 'for his own good' and his 'safety', Sam isn't about to lay down and accept his fate without fighting.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **Do not own.

**A/N: **Thanks for everyone that reviewed! I didn't think this fic would get as much love as it got. I don't know how I feel about this chapter, but Jazz wasn't cooperating and Primus is demanding more fic time than what I gave him. Like always, tell me what you think and any mistakes you point out will be fixed as soon as possible.

**Edited:** To take out the dashes cause English grammar doesn't use them. I think I went comma happy, but whatever. I need to beat the native language grammar into submission. All I want is to add to dashes and periods back.

"talking"

'talking in their minds'

* * *

**Chapter 2:**

His dreams were of metal. A metal planet, always shifting and changing to accommodate its inhabitants. Rust colored waves and desolate spaces. He could feel the planet pulse and he could feel himself pulsing in return. And even though it was a wonderful sight to behold, Sam was not moved by it.

Sometimes the dreams were painful. A pain that wasn't his, yet always forced him to his knees. The pain of a thousand smelters drying up the sea of rust. Melting down the changing cities. Until all that was left were impaled husks on spires. And even though the sight was horrifying, Sam felt absolutely nothing.

The metal shifted. Dying, weakening pulses forcing the change of an entire planet. It was painful to watch the planet unfurl until Sam was dwarfed by the presence of a planet sized Cybertronian.

"My child," he said and Sam flinched at the volume the mech used to speak.

Sam didn't speak though. Instead, he focused on the mech. The poor guy might've been massive, but whatever had happened to him was killing him. He was bleeding that glowing blood mechs had. There were parts of his armor that seemed melted down. Others were scratched. And others were blown up entirely, showing the internal mechanisms moving inside of him. His optics were a dull blue and his entire stance was one of defeat.

For the first time since he began dreaming, Sam felt something... Pity.

Sam woke up with a start to find himself tucked in on his bed. Even when his last memories were of him in the bathroom feeling oddly tired. His dream all but forgotten from his mind.

Except the final words of the planet mech, "You're not a thing, my child. You never were."

And for the first time since Sam found out he'd become the Allspark, he felt compelled to learn what it entailed. Since the first time he heard the lock on his cell's door he was determined to find out how the Allspark had changed him.

Because no matter how much human he looked, he wasn't one of them anymore. And it was time he learned to accept. Otherwise, he might never get out of this room.

He vaguely wondered what his mother was doing. Was she drinking her nightly glass of wine? Or was she playing poker with the neighbors? Did they even bother to tell her what had happened or did they tell her he was dead? Or would she go to sleep wondering why her son never came home?

He felt bad for ever feeling ashamed of his mother's weirdness.

So what if she played poker instead of some other not so manly games? What if she said the wrong thing at the worst of times? She made some damn cookies and she always looked at him with a proud smile on her face.

Sometimes he managed to pretend he felt her in the room. He would pretend to feel her sitting on his bed. She would ruffle his hair, the weight of the bed would shift and he would feel her lips on his forehead. And if he did it right, he would open his eyes, hoping to see her there, only to realize he was all alone.

He was going to give her a hug as soon as he got out.

He closed his eyes, willing his mind to empty and his body to relax. Concentrating on the hum of the machinery that surrounded him. It took him a while to do this. A fact that made him realize that meditation was really not as simple as the movies made it to be.

He didn't know how many hours he stayed like that but it wasn't as if he had anything better to do. What little concentration he had gathered was almost lost when he opened his eyes for a split second and saw a little ball of light pulsing weakly before him.

Growing more confident, Sam wanted to approach it, but he didn't knew how. Frustration grew as he failed to communicate with the orb of light and the glowing light would've faded away but Sam managed to control himself on time.

The ball of light seemed to gather enough energy to make a rather strong pulse to get his attention.

'What's crackin'?' Sam could hear the orb's voice inside his mind.

'Jazz?' He asked in his mind after a moment's hesitation.

Sam hoped it would work, because the last thing he needed was for Ratchet to start thinking he was going crazy.

Unless he was crazy and he wasn't communicating with a glowing light that spoke in his mind like a robot who was supposed to be dead.

'One and only,' the voice of the fallen mech echoed in his mind. It sounded as cheery as the first and only time the robot had talked to him, but there was something else.

And whatever it was told Sam the robot wasn't as happy as he was pretending to be, 'Aren't you supposed to… you know… be in heaven or something?'

There was a bitter chuckle in his mind and the orb waved, light dimming and brightening, 'It's… complicated, littl' guy'

'I've got time,' Sam replied with a grimace.

'I know. I've been watchin' everything,' The orb or Jazz said and Sam was surprised at the sadness behind those words.

There was a silence that made Sam uncomfortable. He needed to know…

'Why are you here?'

The orb dimmed until Sam could see right through it to the empty wall behind it, 'The Matrix don't want me. I'm trapped here.'

Oh… The sadness of a kindred spirit was palpable. It made the bile rise up and the pain in his heart grow. Here he was trapped in a room with no other place to go, while Jazz was trapped by death with no other place to go. Unless…

'Jazz?'

'Yeah.'

'Would you help me escape?' Sam asked. Because he had to ask. Because he was beginning to get an idea to each get what they wanted.

'Would I go to the Matrix after I'm done?' It asked, a desperate sort of hope clear on the orb's voice.

'Yes,' was his reply, 'I don't know yet how, but I promise you that I'll find a way to get you to the Matrix,' Sam vowed to himself that he would do so. Because he was not going to condemn another one to spend eternity trapped.

The orb stilled, 'I'll do anything you want, Allspark,' Jazz's voice said, 'I just want my respite. Don't care what I have to do to get it.'

Sam smiled sadly, closing and opening his eyes to find the room was empty, yet feeling a warmth in front of him, 'I swear I'll kill you after it's done.'

And then, Jazz screamed. Sam could feel the energy around him coursing through his veins. Burning him as if his blood was molten lava. He didn't scream though. He couldn't. The pain was too much for his body to react to it. But Jazz screamed for them both.

There were heavy footsteps approaching hurriedly, but Sam was in too much pain to notice. Jazz was clinging to death, and Sam was forcefully yanking him out to the land of the living.

'No, please!' The dead mech begged.

The door opened and Bumblebee was there, plucking Sam from the bed as if he was a rag doll.

'I swear Jazz. You'll see the Matrix when I'm out of here. We'll be free. Both of us.' Sam forced himself to think back.

He was seeing black spots and everything was getting blurry. The pain threatening him to consume him. His body trembling, muscles contracting spasmodically. The burning inside of him too much to bear. Until he could feel it explode around him before his body shut down.

He never noticed when Bumblebee got him to the medbay. He never noticed how Ratchet worked on him. And he never noticed when the repaired husk of the Autobot's Second Lieutenant powered up, a scream on his vocalizer.

It would take tying Jazz to the table for him to stop trying to rip his spark out and force him into stasis for repairs. Ratchet and Wheeljack would work frantically to keep the mech online.

Everyone rejoicing that they're most beloved friend was back! That the Allspark had been so kind as to give him back. Chalking up the Solstice's reaction to shock. He'd been fighting Megatron when he died. He'd be up to his usual antics when he was better.

And both Sam and Jazz slept. One dreaming of metal and a dying planet sized mech while feeling his mother's good night kiss on his brow. The other dreaming of the pain of being ripped apart and the peace that came with death while feeling the warm tendrils of the Matrix calling for him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

**A/N: **Thanks to all the people that have read and reviewed this story. Like always, tell me of any mistakes and I'll fix them as soon as possible.

"talking"

'comm'

* * *

**Chapter 3:**

Sam stared blindly at the ceiling trying to get his throat to stop from hurting. He'd been right when he thought they would force feed him if he tried to stop eating. Ratchet had called it an unnecessary evil that had to be done to keep him healthy. Sam didn't care at all.

It had been so incredibly easy to hold him down. So incredibly easy to open his jaw and stick that tube inside. The Autobots clearly didn't know anything about gag reflexes, the tube had scraped his throat until he could taste blood. That was why his throat hurt so bad right now. He hoped none of them came in to talk about his childish behavior.

Not like they called it that. They called it, human behavior and Ratchet had clearly been expecting him to do something like this.

"Humans cannot help but try to destroy themselves," He commented to a new mech that Sam didn't care to remember the name of.

"It's in their nature," - he had said, "That's why they do extreme sports and addictive drugs, among other things."

Sam grimaced. Who were they to come down here and judge the human race? They had destroyed an entire planet with one lousy world war. While Earth, in all its organic glory, had survived more battles than anyone could count.

He closed his eyes. He couldn't escape them. They had so many cameras and sensors trained on him it bordered on the ridiculously paranoid. And even if he could escape, he couldn't lose them. The Allspark's radiation was easily picked up. They would be on to him in minutes.

The teenager sighed, opening his eyes. What good was being a religious artifact if he didn't know how to use the power?

He smiled then. A slow desperate smile as he thought of his ticket out of this place. The reason why he'd starved himself to get sent back to medbay.

Jazz…

He turned his head to the side, dull brown eyes settling on the silver frame laying there. Sam could feel his own fears vanishing as he felt the misery rolling off of the Solstice. Ratchet had yet to release the mech, but Sam felt something that made him feel completely sure there was nothing wrong on Jazz's body.

It was his soul that was broken.

Sam wished there had been some other way, but he was willing to do everything it took. Even give the promise of Heaven in exchange for his freedom.

He had doubts afterwards. His only idea of getting out rested on his belief that Jazz would choose death over life without hesitation. Sam hadn't known about Jazz's bondmate.

Until every single Autobot had decided to go and see the mighty Allspark after he revived Jazz. They had thanked him for bringing back a dear friend. They had gotten on their knees and prayed… pleaded… for someone to be brought back. The most fortunate ones were able to touch him. And though their actions should make him feel like a god, Sam felt disgusted every time he remembered it.

They had worshipped him. Made him feel like a circus freak. Yet none of them had actually talked to him. None of them had actually seen him.

Except Bumblebee, who had thanked him and talked about how he now could stop worrying over Jazz's bondmate dying to join the Solstice in the Matrix. That's when the doubts started.

Hearing how happy and cheerful the silver mech had been acting after his rather violent reactivation, only made his doubts worse.

Sam closed his eyes, throat burning and a strange tingle in his head. He'd never felt something like that before. The feeling had made it's appearance shortly after he brought Jazz back.

He could feel himself getting tired. Hoping that this time it was because he was actually tired and not because Ratchet had decided it was time he was put to recharge. It was ironic that they would be so concerned about his health, yet kept forcing drugs into him whenever they felt it was good for him.

He didn't want to fall asleep though. The last thing he needed was for his desperate plan to fail and for him to miss his chance to talk to Jazz. He didn't want to wake up alone in that room again…

He was soon in that state between sleep and wakefulness. The tingling in his head increasing until it was almost too much. He tried to cry out, but the tube in his throat prevented him from doing so. He could taste the blood running down his throat and he knew he had worsened the injuries in his throat.

And just like that, whatever had been bothering disappeared and he soon found himself loosing his battle against sleep. He was about to close his eyes and surrender to oblivion when that persistent tingle came back.

'Please, go away,' He pleaded to his own mind.

Something in his head started throbbing. Sam would've panicked if not for Jazz's broken voice suddenly coming inside his mind.

'Go away? Ya said you'll take me t' the Matrix when you're free.'

'Jazz? How…'

'Comm lines,' Was the simple reply and it was then Sam noticed that the annoying tingle in his brain was still there accompanied with a small throbbing feeling.

'Comm lines?'

'Yeah, comm lines. I've been tryin' t' reach ya ever since I woke up, but I didn't know if I could do it,' Jazz continued, oblivious about Sam's surprise at the answer and his growing discomfort, 'I gotta admit, I was beginning' t' think it wasn't working.'

'Wait, I've got comm lines?'

'You're the Allspark now,' Jazz replied as if the answer was completely obvious and that Sam should've known the answer.

Some time ago, Sam would've launched into a tirade about why expecting him to just know stuff like that was just wrong. Some time ago, Sam would've even tried to explain why suddenly having comm lines in his brain was not natural. But that was some time ago… Long enough for Sam to loose all sense of time spent in his cage. Now Sam only wanted to cut the conversation short.

He knew by experience that Jazz wouldn't understand why he felt like freaking out. And Sam didn't know how much time he had.

'So, what's the plan?' Jazz's voice came back to his mind. This time accompanied with a sharp pain instead of the annoying tingle.

'Plan?' Sam thought back, trying to not let out a mirthless chuckle and injure his throat further, 'There is no plan. That's why you're here. You're everything I have.'

There was silence in his mind. The only proof that whatever connection he had with Jazz was still open was the increasing pain in his brain. Sam was sure he could feel the throbbing of every single vein in his head.

'I'll be free when you're free, right?' Jazz's resigned tone came back to his mind.

And despite the pain in his head, Sam had to admit he was glad to hear that. As much as it sickened him, he was truly happy that there was someone else suffering as much as him.

At least he wasn't planning to keep Jazz alive after this was over. And as long as he remembered that, Sam thought he'd be fine.

'Allspark?'

'Yes, Jazz, that was the deal,' Sam answered before adding, 'What about that bondmate Bumblebee mentioned?'

'Prowl?' Jazz asked, surprise and something akin to wistfulness in his tone, 'Prowler is fine.'

'Don't you want to…' He wanted to ask. He needed to know. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to say the words.

He couldn't give Jazz a way out of his deal. He couldn't give Jazz a reason to live…

'Want…' Jazz spoke and Sam could taste the desire and hope radiating off of the laying bot, 'I want peace. I want my pump to stop and for the energon to freeze in my fuel lines. I want my spark out of this shell and to join the Matrix.'

Sam could feel something in his brain explode and his eyes rolling to the back of his head. Jazz's voice breaking in what he could only describe as static.

'I hurt him by being here against my will. My Prowler deserves better than that.'

Sam lost consciousness after that. Unaware of the blood flowing out of his nose and the alarm sounds triggered by his own vitals going haywire as he began convulsing. Completely unaware of the medics rushing to his side desperately. And totally unaware of the calculating look on the silver mech as he watched them work, almost reverently, with the Allspark.

Because Jazz had an idea. It was crazy and obviously an act of desperation, but if it worked…

If it worked…

The Allspark would finally kill him and take him to the Matrix. It would only be a matter of time until Prowl followed him too. He smiled as Ratchet and that other young medic finally stabilized the Allspark. He couldn't wait to be dead.

* * *

**A/N 2: **I wasn't planning to update this one until Prowl's Origin was done, but FanfictionWriter83729 came up with a wonderful fic called "A Day in the Life" and I just had to finish with the chapter I left halfway fixed. Bad news is that I still don't have enough time to write much and I'll probably go back to finish Prowl's Origin. Good news is, that if inspiration strikes more often I might be able to update this fic more often.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Transformers.

**Warnings: **character death

**A/N: **Sorry for taking such a long time, but I've been dealing with some heavy stuff in RL. Thanks to every one that reviewed, placed the story in their favorites or just read it.

* * *

**Chapter 4:**

She could still remember the last time she saw her baby. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and, as clichéd as it sounds, the day seemed just perfect. Too perfect, now that she thought back on it. She should've known something was going to go wrong that day. But now her baby was gone and she was left feeling emptier and emptier each passing day.

She stared at the bottle of pills in her hands. They were supposed to make her better… make the pain go away. But how could they work when she couldn't bring herself to forget?

How bright he smiled that day…

How she loved ruffling his hair after he claimed he'd combed it…

How grown up he'd looked…

Ron tried so hard. He deserved better than this, yet she couldn't bring herself to care. The moment they told her Sam was dead was the moment she stopped caring about everything and everyone around her.

No doctor could fill the hole in her chest. No medicine could dull away her pain. No words of comfort could make her forget…

How it felt to carry him for nine months…

The feeling of pride when he made his first steps…

The sheer amount of pure love that filled her heart when he'd looked at her with those brown eyes and uttered his first word.

Word that would forever become her weakness. Because every time he called her 'mom' she knew she would end up giving him his heart's desire.

She would've given him the world… the universe… if it'd been in her power to give it to him.

But that was the reason she lost him in the first place. He'd asked and she'd said yes and he'd gone to that field trip never to return to her.

She'd never hug him again…

She'd never sneak into his room while he slept just to kiss him good night…

Never again tease him and hear him complain…

That was why she now laid on her baby's bed. Tired, swollen eyes, lazily scanned the room, kept just like he left it before going away. She didn't have the heart to touch anything and she smiled fondly at the sight of the dirty laundry strewn across the room.

With renewed determination, she swallowed the pills one by one. Each one making her one step closer to her baby boy, She grabbed her baby's favorite shirt and clutched it hard to her chest. The only way she could now hug her beautiful baby until they meet again in the afterlife.

She didn't leave a note because she had nothing to explain, no excuses to make or reasons to give. She silently apologized to Ron for forcing him to be the one that finds her. But she was sure he would understand that if…

If their baby couldn't return to them, then she was willing to do anything to go where he was.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** Not mine.

**A/N: **Thanks to all the people that reviewed or placed this story on their favorites. I'm sorry for the long wait and I'm hoping next update don't take as long in coming. Please tell me what you guys think.

* * *

**Chapter 5:**

Judy Witwicky's funeral was a very private family affair. Just a few months before the same people had gathered to bury her son, Sam. They weren't surprised to be meeting again like this. Sam had been Judy's pride and joy.

They all watched Ron crumble. The proud man barely a ghost of who he'd been before his son's death. They couldn't help but wonder if they'd meet again like this soon. His speech was moving and everyone gathered left with tears in their eyes. Judy had been a truly remarkable woman and she would be sorely missed. When he said he was leaving everything to live with his brother in Oregon, they all wished him the best of luck. Too involve in their pain, they never noticed the silver Solstice that had watched everything and had slipped away silently when the funeral was finished.

Jazz had never met the woman, but Sam loved her. The Allspark had asked him to know how she was doing and he was unsure of how he was going to take the news. How would he react if he was told Prowl had killed himself? Now, he wasn't sure he'd feel sad at all, but before Megatron's battle he would've been devastated.

He turned left towards the base in complete silence. Not out of respect for the female, but because he still remembered how much he used to love music and now… Now he could barely stand it without flinching. It was used only to keep up with the charade. Music was for the living and it hurt to hear it.

Instead, when the silence became too much and his spark cried out for a release that he knew would not come until his deal was done, he opened all six hundred visual and audio channels and drowned in the endless chatter. Just like when he was dead… when it was him and the other sparks clamoring to be allowed peace.

He envied Judy Witwicky so badly. To know _she_ gets to feel peace while he still yearned for his. He envied the humans so badly for that.

* * *

Mikaela prided herself on being a strong woman. Her father, all faults aside, taught her how things worked in the real world and she took his teachings to heart. That was the only reason she accepted their offer.

They promised to free her father, erase both of their records and enough money to live a comfortable life. All she had to do was lie through her teeth. Lie to Sam and convince him to stay with the Autobots. Lie to his parents and say he'd been in an accident and never made it to her place. Lie and attend the funeral of the boy that supposedly burned to death in his own car and watch as his family broke down in pieces that day.

She knew that was the moment the guilt came to haunt her. Watching Judy scream to God, asking why he took her baby from her, while Ron held her was the one thing that made her realize what she'd done. She broke a family apart to get her own family back.

She dreamed of hugging her father again since she was a little girl. She was sure she wasn't supposed to feel ashamed, yet that was the only thing she felt that day. She wasn't proud of running away, but she couldn't stay in Tranquility. She knew she would carry the guilt with her wherever she went for the rest of her life, but she needed to get away. She needed to set as much space between her, the American government and the Autobots.

How lucky of her that her father wanted to leave too? And if he went back to his old lifestyle and she followed him in his footsteps, she was too deep in her own guilt and shame to care. She deserved to feel like a bad girl. After all, this is the life she sold Sam for, wasn't it?

Mikaela prided herself on being a strong woman. She seldom cried, but she remembered crying on Sam's fake funeral for the hurt she caused him and his family. In a way she cried for the death of who she'd been.

Today, as she cradled the telephone in her hands, she cried again at the news of the death of Sam's mother. Suicide, Captain Lennox told her over the phone. The man, chosen as liaison between the government and the Autobots, was the only one to call her when important things with Sam happened. But it wasn't suicide and they both knew it. It was murder. She murdered Judy when she accepted the government's deal. The government murdered Judy when they went along with hiding the Allspark in fear of a Decepticon attack. The Autobots murdered Judy when they got in their processors that the Allspark needed to kept away for protection. And if she thought long and hard, Sam murdered his own mother when he bought Bumblebee that day. Hell, she could drag the guilt game all the way to that Witwisky descendant that owned the glasses in the first place. It would not erase the damage she'd done or the part she played in all of this.

Today she cried as the guilt overwhelmed her and all she could do was pray for forgiveness.

* * *

Optimus watched the Allspark with a frown, ignoring Red Alert's inquisitive optics.

"The Allspark doesn't look happy," Optimus finally said earning a slight shrug from the mech at his side.

"From what I gathered, humans are a rather unhappy bunch," Red Alert said cautiously while turning his optics to look at their object of discussion, "With the Allspark taking residence in the body of a human, it is only natural that it would take on some of their traits."

"Sam was a happy kid," Optimus almost whispered.

"And he was allowed to have risks we cannot take with the Allspark," the Autobots security mech replied, "Have some faith, Optimus, Perceptor is looking for a way to recreate the Cube and get the Allspark out of that fragile body. Maybe… Maybe this Sam didn't die and is waiting to have his consciousness back"

Optimus cycled air. He could see the Allspark staring at the wall. Not one organic muscle moved as it stared forward. Probably staring into the Well of Sparks. Or maybe he was talking with Primus himself. Optimus felt humbled to be allowed to protect the Allspark again. He failed it once and he vowed he wouldn't fail again.

"Tell me when Jazz arrives. I have something I need to discuss with him. Tell him it is about the Allspark."

Red Alert watched his leader go before turning to look at the Allspark. He couldn't deny the awe he felt when he looked at it. He craved to talk to it. The part of him that had taken time to study human behavior in order to understand the soldiers better agreed with his leader. The Allspark didn't look happy. But surely they could be wrong in their assessment. The boy whose body now housed the Allspark was dead ever since the Allspark took over. The Allspark itself had brought Jazz back to life in gratitude. They were just protecting it and doing their best to keep it happy and healthy. Which was no easy task given its now organic body and instincts.

"How's it going, Red?" the silver Solstice said as he walked into the room.

"Just watching the Allspark," the mech replied, optics not quite meeting Jazz's face.

"Think I'll get to see the Allspark today?" he said, folding his arms while leaning casually against the wall.

Red Alert shrugged, "Prime needs to talk to you about the Allspark. Though I don't see why he won't let you in with the Allspark. After all, the Allspark did choose you, out of all the fallen mechs, to come back, didn't it?"

Jazz tried hard to keep the friendly smile on his face. That last comment made the longing in his spark ache painfully. If Red Alert noticed the way his fingers tightened, with enough force to almost dent his own arms, and the way his jaw tightened, he didn't say anything. Besides, he doubted telling the Allspark his news would go well. Not that he personally cared (though he did managed to feel some sort of pity amidst the envy), but he knew Sam would care. Once upon a time he would've feared the repercussions of angering the Allspark, yet now his only fear was of Sam breaking his promise.


End file.
